


I'll Be Waiting

by xAnimaniac



Category: Big Time Rush
Genre: M/M, Mentions of Sex, World War 2 AU, farms and stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-07
Updated: 2013-12-07
Packaged: 2018-01-03 22:41:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1073894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xAnimaniac/pseuds/xAnimaniac
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Hoping that if—no, when—when James comes back, that nothing will change." Wishful thinking is nothing new anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Little threeshot I wrote about a year ago. Hope you like :)

  
  
They didn't have to go to war.

Kendall and James worked as farmers. So did Jett. Logan was a doctor. Carlos was diagnosed with mental problems and wasn't fit to fight for England. They were all openly gay. None of them had to go.

But James was going anyway.

He wanted to honour his family, he said. He said he'd always been a disappointment to them, and he wanted to make them proud. He wanted to make his country proud. And he especially wanted to make Kendall proud. Somehow fighting in a war against the Nazis and possibly getting himself killed was his way of doing that. Well, James had always been a daredevil.

So, there they stood in their little village in the south of England, saying goodbye to the brave young men going to fight in the war. An army truck was parked on the main street, which was really just a dusty road going through the centre of the village, little shops and cottages on ether side. Soldiers were climbing into the back, kitted up in their uniforms already. It all seemed so much more real than it had when James had gone to the hall to enlist a week ago. Right now, James Diamond stood on the dusty ground dressed in his uniform, hair kept back from his face. Pity really, because he knew Kendall loved it when his hair was hanging softly around his face, or when it swayed gently in the wind.

The five of them stood together outside the little doctor's office where Logan worked. Carlos and Logan held hands, seeking comfort from each other as they said goodbye to their close friend who they might never see again. "You know I'll write," James said reassuringly, hugging them both. "Do you really think I'd forget either of you?"

"Well, don't waste too much time scribbling," Logan sniffled, unwilling to let go. "I think you should focus on staying alive."

"I'll keep that in mind," James chuckled, somehow managing to remain cheerful during all of this.

Jett was next, James's best friend since the two began school together. They embraced in a tight hug, trying to appear strong for each other. "I'm kind of wishing I could go with you now," Jett said softly. "We could watch each other's backs. We're good at that."

"You have somebody else to watch over," James warned him softly, glancing over his shoulder at where Kendall stood. "Please make sure nothing happens to him."

"Got it," Jett replied, pulling away with a firm smile.

Kendall and James had already said quite a few goodbyes. It had really began a week ago when Kendall walked to the village with James to watch him enlist in the army, teary-eyed and clutching onto him like he never wanted to let go. The goodbyes continued throughout the week. All those times James had interrupted Kendall sitting somewhere crying his eyes out, only to have his blonde husband deny everything and insist that he was fine. Last night had consisted of them holding each other and making love for a good hour or tow, until it just ended with Kendall holding him tightly and crying quietly into his chest. "Do you really have to go?" he had whispered softly.

But they both knew the answer to that.

James took Kendall in his strong arms now, holding him close and resting his cheek against his soft hair. "I'll come back to you. You know I will."

"But I don't," Kendall choked, clutching his jacket tightly. "I don't know."

"I do," James promised, tilting Kendall's chin up so he could kiss him gently. "You're everything to me, and I'll be damned if I'm not coming back to spend the rest of my life with you."

Kendall sniffled mournfully, trying to smile and failing miserably, before moving to kiss James himself, cupping his cheek with one hand. "Please be careful."

"I'll do my best." Because James really didn't know how careful he could be. It wasn't as if he'd done this before.

"Be safe," Kendall whispered, kissing James one last time. "I love you."

"I love you too," James replied, clasping Kendall's waist tightly. He somehow found he couldn't let go of his husband. Kendall himself had to take James's hands and pry them off.

"Jamie, you have to go," he said softly. "I'll be waiting for you to come back."

When James was seated in the back of the truck, he watched Kendall standing there in the centre of the road, waving to him. As the vehicle moved away, he got smaller and smaller, and soon he and the village were far behind. James rested back, staring up at the sky with a lump in his throat. Then he looked back down, quickly reaching into his pocket and unfolding his photo of Kendall. He looked so beautiful, even in black and white. He and James were outside the farmhouse in their wedding clothes, smiling at the camera while James held Kendall bridal style in his arms. Already, he missed him so much.

"Are you leaving someone behind?"

James looked up to see two soldiers sitting across from him. Unlike the rest of the soldiers sitting in this truck, they looked slightly positive. Maybe it was because they were both wearing wedding rings and holding hands. It was nice to see. James nodded at them slowly. "My husband," he said quietly. He showed them both the picture.

The one slightly to his left smiled. "Well, that's nice. You've got somebody to make it back to. Gives you determination."

The other grinned and added, "But we prefer to be together. I suppose you can write to him."

James nodded. "That's exactly what I'm going to do."

Kendall spent the evening curled up on the sofa, sipping tea and looking at their wedding photos. He knew there were one or two missing, but he wanted James to have them with him. He would never admit it, but he wanted James to remember him, because he was terrified that if—no, when—when James came back, he might not love him anymore.

He cried himself to sleep.

 

* * *

_Dear Kendall,_

_We arrived at our base camp this morning, so I was finally able to write to you. I miss holding you, it's much harder to get to sleep without you in my arms. I bet home is still the same, dull but wonderful. I'd give anything to be there with you, but I know I belong here, fighting for a better life. Please write back o be as soon as you get this. I need to hear from you before I go completely mad, no joke intended._

_Love James._

 

* * *

_Dear James,_

_You have no idea how much I miss you. Everybody is thinking about you and the other soldiers. Father Jack says a prayer for you all every Sunday. It's nice to hear. Jett is over almost every day, helping me with the farm work, or just being there. It's nice to have company. I feel alone here, most of the day, but I just think of you and I cheer up. Carlos and Logan have been over a few times, but I can tell they're preoccupied. They are still newly weds, after all. They really are a perfect couple, aren't they?_

_Write back to me,_

_Love Kendall._

 

* * *

_Dear Kendall,_

_I have friends here, and they send their love. They wanted to hear all about you and the farm. Anything interesting happening right now? I think about you all the time and what it must be like there. I hope everybody is well. I know you miss me and I miss you too, more than anything. I hope this letter puts a smile back on your face. I love your smile, I miss seeing it every morning and every night. But we'll be together again soon, I promise._

_Love James._

 

* * *

_Dear James,_

_The farm is getting a little interesting. I signed up only three days ago to house some children from London. They've been evacuating them from the city, to keep them safe. The children arrived this morning. There are five of them; Tyler is ten and Jennifer is twelve and they're brother and sister, then there are the other sisters; Camille who is eleven and Katie who is seven, and finally Dak, who is fifteen. I pity him a bit, being alone with nobody to talk to. I got him into helping me with the feeding in the evening, and he seemed to enjoy that. All together they can be a little boisterous, but I think that's to be expected. They must miss their families. I've been praying every night that you'll make it back to me._

_Please come back to me,_

_Your Kendall._

 

* * *

_My dearest Kendall,_

_I hope the children are well. I'm sure you're doing a fantastic job with them! Your last letter got me thinking about how wonderful it would be to have a family of our own. Though I suppose in a way we already have one, what with the cows and the pigs and God lows what else lurks around there. How many calves have been born? Are the robins back in their nest in the barn? They were nice to see, except for when the cat tried to get them. I love spring, though this isn't exactly the place to enjoy it. But there's great heat in the sun, and I have that to make the most of._

_All my love, James._

 

* * *

_Dear James,_

_Four calves have been born. They're all so cute! One was born a little early, but she's ok. It's times like this when I'm really glad our cattle aren't used for meat. I don't think I could bear that, being honest. The robins are back, but I don't know if there are any eggs yet. I remember last year, when you used to go out and leave bread and water for them so they wouldn't have to go far from the nest. You're such a softie, it was so sweet. The children are well, and they hope you are too. They've been eager to hear all about the brave soldier whose home they're staying in. It's a little funny to see them admire you so, but I can understand why. I think having a family with you would be the most amazing thing in the world. When you get back, we can talk about it more._

_I love you and I'll be waiting for your reply,_

_Lots of love, Kendall._

 

* * *

James sat in the shelter of the base. The sky was dark and the fighting was over for another day. It was raining heavily, and a drop or two spattered onto the paper he held in his hand. He noticed his hand trembled a little as he read. God, he missed Kendall so much.

But as long as Jett and the others took care of him, he could sleep sound at night.  
  



	2. Chapter 2

_  
"Carlos, will you slow down!" Kendall yelled, running after his best friend. The Latino ignored him, laughing loudly as he sprinted around the corner and disappeared from view._

_"Carlos, give me back my—"_

_But Kendall didn't get to finish, because as he turned to corner ape crashed right into some poor stranger, both of them staggering backwards on impact. The young man in front of him had been carrying a basket full of groceries, and now they were scattered all over the ground, the basket lying with them._

_Kendall bit his lips, eyes wide as he looked up at the taller man. He was very handsome; dark hair, tan skin and quite a strong looking body too. But right now Kendall was too embarrassed to take it all in at once._

_"I'm so sorry!" Kendall squeaked, cheeks turning dark red. "I didn't, I didn't mean—"_

_"Hey, don't worry about it," the handsome man replied with a smile. "You're some little whirlwind of energy, aren't you?"_

_"Um . . . h-here, let me help you!" Kendall quickly fell to his knees and began picking up the jars and packets, placing them carefully back in the basket._

_"Thank you," the stranger replied, bending down and finishing off the packing, before he picked up the basket and they both stood up. "So, who might you be?" he asked, holding out his hand._

_"I, I'm Kendall," Kendall just about managed to say without stuttering. "Kendall Knight." Then he suddenly realised this man meant for them to shake and quickly stuck his hand out, taking hold of the stranger's. "Who are you?"_

_"James Diamond, at your service," the man replied with a wink, before (to Kendall's surprise) lifting Kendall's hand up to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to the back of it._

_Kendall blushed furiously when James let go of his hand, moving his arms behind his back and looking at the ground, pushing a pebble arund with his toes. "Nice to meet you . . . oh!" Kendall remembered why he'd crashed into James and quickly looked back at him. "Did you see a young man run past you, about my height, Spanish. Did you see where he went?"_

_"Hmm." James smiled as if he knew exactly where, but instead said, "So that's why you were running as though being chased by a bull? What's he done that you need to catch him for?"_

_"Well, um . . ." Kendall giggled and lifted one foot for a moment, before resting it back on the ground. "He stole my shoes."_

_James burst out laughing, looking down at Kendall's bare feet, before moving up to the denim overalls he wore, which were rolled up to the knee. "Is that why you're going around barefoot?"_

_"Well, yes. See, they're my good shoes, for church. I had to get them repaired, but then they were uncomfortable so I was wearing them around to break them in, but then I was resting and Carlos snatched them off me. And I took my socks off because they would've been covered in dirt otherwise. So, did you see where he went?"_

_James gave another knowing smile. "Yes, I did."_

_"Great! Where did he go?"_

_"Well, I said I knew. I never said I would tell you . . ."_

_"Oh, please! My father will kill me!" Kendall clasped his hands together and pleaded. "Please, please, please!"_

_James chuckled. "Well, we could make a deal."_

_"What kind of deal?"_

_"I can tell you where he went, on one condition." James looked so confident that Kendall certainly didn't expect what came next. "You meet me here, tomorrow evening at six, and I'll take you out for dinner in the village. Or on a picnic, whichever you would prefer."_

_"So . . . you want to take me out?" Kendall was dumbfounded._

_"Yes, I do." James smiled sweetly at him. "You're adorable. And you seem nice. I'd like to get to know you better."_

_"Oh." Kendall smiled back at him, unable to help himself. "Ok. A picnic sounds nice."_

_And on it went, just like that._

"Oh, please stop fighting!" Kendall cried, trying to grab at one of the shrieking children. He'd left the children and gone to milk the cattle before they woke up, then come back and given them breakfast. Then as he was washing the dishes, he'd heard the yelling coming from the living room, and knew Camille and Katie were fighting. Again.

"She called me a baby!" Katie screamed, hitting Camille again with her tiny fist. "I hate her!"

"That's a terrible thing to say, sweetie," Kendall said firmly, taking hold of her and pulling her off Camille with an exhausted sigh.

"But she did!"

"She is a baby!" Camille jeered, sticking her tongue out. "She wet the bed again, Kendall!"

"It's not my fault!" Katie wailed, bursting into tears.

"I know it's not, honey." Kendall turned to Camille. "Camille, apologise to your sister. She's not a baby. You know we're in the middle of a war."

"You always use the war to make me feel guilty!" Camille sulked.

"And it should always work."

"I'm sorry, Katie . . ."

"Good girl. Now, you." Kendall turned to the girl he was holding and tickled her sides, making her giggle. "Can you bring the sheets down to me? I'll have to get them washed as soon as possible."

Katie hopped up and ran out of the room. Kendall quickly turned to Jennifer and asked, "Can you give her a hand? The lat thing I need is her tripping over them and falling down the stairs."

"Ok!" Tossing her blonde hair over her shoulder, Jennifer ran out too. Kendall stood up and stretched, yawning a little.

"Alright, children. Off you go and play. The usual rules apply, mind. You know where you can and can't be."

Camille ran out of the room, and Dak walked after her. Tyler however, didn't leave. He was staring up at the dressed, mouth pouted.

"Is something wrong, honey?" Kendall asked him, concerned.

"When is James going to write back?" Tyler asked. "We haven't heard from him in years!"

"Oh. No, darling. Not years." Kendall walked over to the dresser where he kept James's letters, all tied in a bundle with string. He bent down and showed Tyler the date of the most recent letter. "See? Just a couple of months. No big deal." But in reality, it was. The last letter Kendall got from James was sent in February. Now it was August. Spring and summer had passed without a single word from him. But he refused to lose hope. If something had happened to James, the war office would have told him. He knew that. James was fine. He had to be.

"Now, go off and play with the others, honey. It's a beautiful day today."

Tyler ran off, Kendall watching him fondly. He really had grown to low these children since they'd arrived. He almost felt as though they were his own. He knew he was going to miss them like crazy when they went home to London.

"Here are the sheets, Kendall!" Jennifer chirped, running in with Katie and handing them over, before they both asked out again, eager to be out in the sun.

Kendall carried the damp and slightly smelly laundry into the garden, and left it outside the door before going back inside. He grabbed the large metal wash basin and brought it over to the kitchen sink, filling it up with warm water. He heard movement behind him and turned around to see Dak standing at the door. "Hi, Dak. Are you ok?"

"Would you like any help, Kendall?" Dak asked him, a slight edge of hope in his voice that Kendall immediately picked up.

"Well, if you could give the hens and the pigs their breakfast, that'd be nice. I haven't time now that I've got to wash these sheets." Kendall gave him a grateful smile as the teenage boy jogged off towards the farmyard. James and Kendall had never given thought to buying something like an electric washing machine. Now he sort of wished they had. It would've saved him some time. But he just shrugged to himself and grabbed the rest of what he needed, brought it all outside and got to work.

Twenty minutes later, he was hanging the clean sheets up on the washing line in the back garden, sighing in annoyance when the wind blew and water dripped down his rain boots onto his socks. When he was finished there, he left the garden and passed through the farmyard, heading up towards where the cattle were kept, in a large barn. On one side of the wide lane was the barn, then on the other side was the gate into the large meadow where the cattle grazed.

Kendall loved his home. He knew every little nook and cranny of this farm off by heart. It was his childhood home; he'd spent most of his life here. Except for a couple of years in the middle, because when he was sixteen and after he'd confessed to his parents about his relationship with James, his parents had sent him away, saying they didn't want to be anywhere near him. Kendall stayed with James and his family until he was eighteen, when his mother quickly handed him over the property, saying she finally had an excuse to leave 'that countryside dump' and ran off to London, dragging Kendall's father and sisters with her. Kendall had been left with parts of the farm almost in complete disrepair, with no idea what to do. But James, Jett, Logan and Carlos had volunteered to help him out, and soon the place was fixed up. Kendall and James got parts of it refurnished (the biggest bedroom was their first priority, because Kendall definitely didn't want to sleep in a bed with James that used to belong to his parents) and when James proposed and they got engaged, they moved in to the farm full time and made it their home. And it had been that way for five years now.

Kendall opened the gate to the barn, and straight away the new calves trotted out and made their way quickly towards the field. Kendall followed them, making sure none of them wandered off anywhere, and soon they were safely fenced in with the other cows.

Once he made sure the gate was tightly shut, Kendall walked back down the lane and through the next smaller field in the direction of the farmyard. He trudged through the mud, not sure whether to be disgusted or to giggle at the squelching noise it made with every step.

"How are you on this fine day!"

Kendall looked up to see Jett standing there, smiling at him. "Jett, hi!" As he moved closer towards him, he tried to lift his foot and found he couldn't. He tried the other. Nope. He was stuck again. He burst into laughter, "Oh God, not again." He and James had gotten stuck more than once around this field. It was always wet and marshy here. There was one day when James got stuck and was stuck standing there for twenty minutes before it started to rain, and he had to somehow leap out of his boots and yank them out by hand. By the time he got back to the farmhouse, he was wet and freezing, but Kendall had taken care of him and done his best not to laugh at the situation.

"Is something wrong?" Jett asked, walking as close as he could without actually stepping in the worst of the muck.

"This mud is going to be the death of me," Kendall giggled hysterically, making another failed attempt to lift his foot out of it. "It's always this patch, the only problem. Can you give me a hand out of here?"

"Sure," Jett chuckled, moving forward on his patch of dry grass and holding his arms out. "Wrap your arms around my neck." Kendall leaned forward and just about managed, still laughing. Jett leaned forward and grabbed Kendall's waist. "Ok, one, two, three!"

Jett took a step back and yanked Kendall up out of the mud, the sudden weight causing him to lose his balance and topple down onto the grass. Kendall fell down on top of him, cheek on Jett's chest. He leaned up so he was looking Jett in the eyes. "Thanks," he said, smiling at him. He didn't realise anything.

Jett smiled back, wanting nothing more than to kiss those soft lips only inches away from his. "No problem, Ken."

Kendall sat up and got off Jett, much to the other man's disappointment. "I have to go make lunch for the children. Would you like to join us?"

Jett hopped up eagerly without hesitation. "I'd love to."

Jett and Kendall walked back to the house together, chatting away. Jett was only to happy to spend the entire afternoon with Kendall, even if it meant cleaning the house with him or working in the back garden. At this point he would probably do anything for him. At about five in the evening, they were outside the front door, Kendall sweeping the path of fallen leaves and Jett cleaning one of the windows.

"There are clouds gathering overhead," Kendall commented, looking up. "I think I should bring the cows in for tonight. It's always unpleasant when they've been out in the rain all night."

"You're mean!"

"Yeah, well you're a baby!"

Kendall heard a crash from inside the house and groaned. "No, not this again."

"Hey, relax," Jett said with a smile, pushing him gently away from the house. "You go deal with the cows, I'll take care of them."

"Thank you," Kendall smiled, before taking off towards the fields. He wanted to get there as fast as he could. Unfortunately, just as the last of the cattle were being herded off into the barn and Kendall was shutting it, the rain began to pour down. Squealing at how cold it was against his skin, Kendall sprinted back to he house and dived in through the front door once he got there, soaked through and shivering.

"Kendall!" Jett rushed towards him, leading him into the living room, where the fireplace was lit. "Dak, put some more turf on the fire, will you?" He turned to Kendall, gently resting the back of his hand against his pale arm, which was covered in goosebumps. "You're freezing!"

"I noticed," Kendall said softly, shaking a little as he clung onto the pocket of his denim overalls with an almost numb hand.

"Go get changed, and when you come down we'll warm you up," Jett told him, pointing towards the stairs.

When Kendall came back, he was wearing dark trousers and a baggy shirt, the sleeves long and covering most of his pale hands. He walked over to the window, glancing out when he heard a rumble of thunder in the distance.

"Oh dear, that's quite a storm," Kendall sighed, looking out the window. "Jett, don't walk home in that. You should stay the night."

"Oh, that's nice of you," Jett replied quickly. "But, I don't want to be a bother."

"Don't be silly! You wouldn't even be here right now if you hadn't watched the children for me. This is my thanks. I'm not letting you walk back and catch pneumonia in this weather." He paused, frowning thoughtfully. "I would offer you a bed, but I don't have any spare. Some of the kids are sharing as it is. I can make you a bed on the couch, I suppose."

"You really don't have to—"

"Jett, shush. You'll stay warm and dry, right here."

The seven of them sat around the fire in their chairs, talking amongst themselves while sipping hot cups of tea that Jett insisted on making for them, especially Kendall, since he needed to warm up. At eight o'clock Kendall sent Katie and Tyler up to bed, then half an hour later it was Jennifer and Camille, and then Dak went up at nine. Neither Kendall nor Jett noticed the subdued look Dak gave them as they sat there, before he went upstairs to bed. Kendall and Jett say together for another while and talked in low voices, though Jett could see that Kendall was having trouble staying awake. Of course, he wouldn't have minded at all if Kendall had fallen asleep there with him. But to his disappointment, Kendall was half leaning on him and drifting off to sleep when he seemed to realise and quickly shook himself awake.

"Sorry . . ." He rubbed at one eyes sleepily. "I'll make your bed now," he said with a smile, disappearing for a moment or two before appearing with a pillow and patchwork blanket. He fixed them up on the couch before straightening up and giving a weak yawn. "I'm exhausted. I'm off to bed. Sleep well, goodnight."

"Goodnight," Jett said softly to Kendall's retreating figure disappearing upstairs.

When Kendall got upstairs, he washed and then changed his clothes quickly. But before he got into bed, he knelt down in the floor beside it with his elbows on the mattress, hands clasped together. He shut his eyes. "I know I'm asking this every night for months, but I have to ask again. Please let James be alright. Please bring my husband back to me. I'm just praying for him and as many other soldiers as possible to come home safely, like they deserve. Please, please . . ." Tears in his eyes, he added, "Amen," before standing up shakily and crawling into bed.

He wasn't the only one in the house praying. Downstairs, Jett was kneeling by the couch, saying his own little prayer.

"God, I know this is selfish of me," Jett whispered. "Because James is my best friend. But, I love Kendall. I love him so much, more than anybody. Ever since I met him, I've longed to hold him the way James does, but it never worked out. And I know it's a terrible thing to ask for, but if there was any way he could be mine, any at all . . . I can't help whom I love. And I do love him, I just can't help it. I want James to be ok, of course I do. But he'll always have Kendall before me." Jett paused briefly before murmuring, "Amen."

Upstairs, Dak was lying in bed, hands clasped together as he whispered words so softly not even the other children in the room would hear him. "Please bring James back soon. For Kendall. Not just because if he doesn't come back, his heart will be broken. I know Jett is trying to steal him away. Don't let him, please." Dak sighed and shut his eyes, trying to get to sleep at last.

 

* * *

The next day, the sun was beating down from the very moment it rised in the morning. By late afternoon, the grass was all dry again, so Kendall decided to take the children it for lunch in the meadow. Jett left in the morning, oddly grim and quiet, but Carlos and Logan called up at around noon, and helped him make a picnic for everyone and pack it all into the large picnic basket.

"I missed these," Logan said cheerfully as he made some more sandwiches. "We haven't had a day outside like this for a good month or so. It's so unpleasant, being cooped up in the doctor's office all day."

Carlos rolled his eyes at him. "Don't complain, Logie. You're doing some good at least."

Wondering what Carlos was implying with that, they finished getting ready and called the children. They went up to the meadow and found a good spot for the picnic, sitting in the long grass and spreading the blanket out.

"Look, it's Jett," Carlos said suddenly, pointing across the field. They all turned to look, and sure enough, Jett was walking across the grass towards them.

"He doesn't look very happy," Dak commented, looking worried. "What's he got in his hand?"

Jennifer squealed, jumping to her feet. "It's an envelope! I think he's got a letter! Do you think it's from James?"

"I hope so," Kendall replied, smiling as Jett came closer to them. Finally, after all this time. Instantly he was thinking about all of the things James might have said in his letter. Maybe he'd switched locations, or maybe—

"Kendall," Logan said slowly. "The envelope is yellow."

Kendall turned to look at Logan, not getting it. "And?"

"It's a telegram," Logan continued, frowning at the approaching Jett.

Kendall still didn't understand.

"From the war office."

Kendall froze, turning to look at Logan at last. "W-what?"

Logan nodded grimly as Jett finally arrived in front of them. Kendall quickly stood up as Jett held out the envelope, his face unsmiling.

"Well, there's no need to assume the worst," Carlos said quickly, smiling. "Be positive."

"Yes, of course," Kendall agreed quickly, nodding as he took the envelope from Jett. "We have to be positive. This might be good news, it could be—could be anything . . ."

Kendall opened it up, eyes quickly focusing in on the small print. His smile fell immediately. "No . . ."

The keywords stood out. He noticed hardly anything else.

_. . . regret to inform you that James Diamond was killed in action . . ._

He hardly noticed he'd dropped the telegram until Logan was picking it up and quickly reading it. "Oh God . . ." He showed it to the others before taking a step towards the distraught blonde. "Kendall . . ."

Kendall turned and ran, sprinting through the grass away from all of them. He couldn't breathe, he had to get away. He just had to.

 

* * *

_My Jamie,_

_The children are well. Though they're trying to take care of me now, rather than the other way around. I got the telegram. I haven't eaten since then, or slept. I just can't. It's too difficult. It's funny, when I was wondering whether or not you were alright and I genuinely had no idea, I was able to keep going. Now I'm just . . . breathing. Barely. I can do nothing else but sit, and remember you. I love you more than anybody in the world, and I always will. You don't have to worry about me. You should know that I'll never love another man again, ever. You are the only one for me, and you always will be. I'll always love you._

_Forever yours,_

_Kendall._

Sitting in the chair by the fireplace, the seat he hadn't left since then, Kendall folded the letter in half. He slid it carefully into the envelope, sealing it with shaking hands. Then with an angry sob, he flung it straight into the fire, watching it shrivel up and burn away. He cried for the first time in days. He cried so hard he trembled from head to foot, face hidden in his hands. The children watched from the door with wide eyes, not knowing how to react. Then the older children walked over to where he was sitting and just stood beside him. Dak reached a hand out and rested it on Kendall's trembling shoulder, squeezing it gently. He didn't even respond.

Jett felt guilty, of course he did. But he couldn't help whom he loved.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

_  
"Come on, Kendall!" James repeated, tugging the blonde along by the hand._

_"Where are we going?" Kendall asked with a laugh as he finally caught up with the brunette._

_"You'll realise soon enough!" James replied with a grin, slowing down to a walk at last._

_It was a warm midsummer's day, though the sun was currently hidden away by some murky grey clouds. James had taken Kendall out for a 'romantic walk' as he put it, and the two had gone all around the village and some of the quiet country lanes, fingers intertwined. They'd been out for a good two hours and Kendall was enjoying himself, though his legs were getting a little tired. But James had insisted on ending their walk in a certain spot, which they were on their way to right now._

_"We're almost there," James smiled as they walked down a very familiar lane._

_Kendall looked around, a smile appearing on his face. "Ok, I think I know where we're going now."_

_They stopped on the corner of the lane, James turning to smile down at him. "Well?"_

_Kendall_ _giggled, leaning up to press his lips to James's. "This is sweet. A lot of thought put into a simple walk, mind. But very sweet."_

_James grinned, taking both of Kendall's hands in his. "Well, I really wanted to come here with you anyway. I figured it was the right place to talk you about something."_

_"Oh." Kendall frowned in confusion. "What is it?" It was just as the words left his mouth that he felt a large drop of rain land on his nose. He looked up, distracted._

_James was looking up too. "It's probably only a drop or two. Anyway—"_

_It was just as he said it that the rain got heavier, and by heavier I mean it fell almost by the bucketful, drenching them both in seconds._

_"Dammit!" James cursed as the rain poured down on top of them. "Quick, over here!"_

_He quickly led Kendall off the path and into the bushes,tugging him to sit down under the trees. The thick canopy of leaves above them kept most of the rain off. Kendall laughed as he looked up, listening to the patter of the raindrops. "I love the rain."_

_"Hmm, I could do without it in a moment like this," James murmured, smiling when Kendall cuddled up to his side._

_"What do you mean?"_

_"Because. I was going to do it all romantically, you know, in the place we first met, not off the road in a bush when we're crouching down, avoiding the rain . . ."_

_"Do what, James?" Kendall asked, eyes widening. Surely this wasn't what he thought it was . . ._

_James smiled a little shyly at him, fumbling around with Kendall's hands in his until he was on his knees, before getting up on one knee and reaching into his jacket pocket. "Kendall Donald Knight . . ."_

_Kendall_ _could barley breathe._

_"I've loved you for a long time now. These past four years have just flown by, and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. I never want to give you up, ever. You're my whole life, Ken, and you have been ever since that day you crashed into me on this lane with no shoes—"_

_Kendall gave a breathless laugh, tears in his eyes._

_"Will you marry me, Kendall?"_

_"Yes, yes!" Kendall shrieked, leaping straight on top of James. "Of course I will!"_

_He pulled James in for a kiss, arms wrapped around his neck. "I love you," he murmured when he pulled back, giggling when James kissed him on the forehead._

_"I love you too," James replied, grinning at Kendall. He couldn't be happier right now as he held up the ring and slid it onto Kendall's finger, pressing his lips to Kendall's hand. He looked up, suddenly noticing the rain had stopped. "Must've just been a quick shower. Come on, let's get out of here before it starts again."_

_They walked back out to the lane, hand in hand. They suddenly spotted someone familiar walking around the bend and ran over. "Jett!"_

_Jett looked up, smiling in greeting. "Hello. You two seem happy today. And wet."_

_"We're engaged!" Kendall squealed, sticking his hand out. "Look!"_

_"Oh, wow! Congratulations!" Jett said, smiling at them. They both gave him a hug, neither of them noticing that his smile was a little forced._

_"So, what are you going to do now?" Jett asked, hoping they wouldn't say what he thought they would._

_James chuckled, wrapping an arm around Kendall's shoulders. "I suppose we could go tell my parents."_

_"Yes, let's do that," Kendall agreed, leaning into James with a grin. "I'm sure they'll be delighted to hear the news!"_

_They both said goodbye to Jett and turned to go. "And after that, my sweet fiancé," James smirked as they walked away. "It'll be just you and me."_

_"I like the sound of that," Kendall giggled, leaning up and kissing James on the cheek._

_Neither of them knew Jett heard every word and as walking the other way, trying to hold the tears in._

_That was the end of that, then._

They got that telegram a week ago. Kendall was losing himself in his work, trying to heal while coming back exhausted every evening. He was trying not to show that he hurt. That everything reminded him of James, and everything broke his heart a little more. He just couldn't let it sink in. James was dead. Gone. He was never coming back. Kendall would never feel his arms around him again, never feel James kissing him again, never see his smile again, never hear his laugh again . . .

The children weren't sure what to do, but what they settled for was helping Kendall any time they could. Even little Katie took up a job of feeding the hens every morning.

Some evenings Kendall would sit by the fire, looking at the photos of him and James together, other nights he would tell the children stories about him. He just couldn't bear to let him go.

"I never told you about our wedding, did I?" Kendall asked with a soft smile, one evening that they sat there together.

"No," Jennifer replied quietly. Despite how broken his heart was, they all noticed how happy he looked when he talked about James, even for a second. So they wanted him to talk.

"Well, it was in the spring. April 16th, and we had a small ceremony in the village church. It was a lovely day, really warm. I'd never seen James look so handsome, or so happy . . ." Kendall took a deep breath before continuing. "It was the happiest day of my life. I couldn't even believe it was really happening until I was up there at the Altar with him and we were saying our vows. Afterwards we all walked back to James's family home, where all our friends and family had dinner together. All of our closest friends were there. Of course, my family didn't show up. I didn't even invite them because I knew they wouldn't come either way. I didn't need them there. We all danced together for most of the night, and most people didn't leave until the early hours of the morning. We were exhausted by the end of it, but it was amazing."

He looked up at the clock. "Oh, it's bedtime for four of you. I don't know where the time went." He smiled. "You should have told me, you little rascals. Go on, bedtime!"

"Goodnight, Kendall!" the four younger children chorused, running up the stairs.

"Don't forget to brush your teeth!" Kendall called after them. As soon as they were out of earshot he slumped back on the couch, bringing a hand up to his forehead. "Oh God . . .

"Are you alright, Kendall?" Dak asked worriedly.

"I need to stop talking about the past. It's not doing me any good. But it's nice to remember . . ." Kendall sighed, bringing his hand down and sitting up straighter. "I shouldn't be dumping my problems on you, sweetie. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Dak said quickly. "There's nothing wrong with it anyway. I'm the oldest. Better me than Katie or Tyler."

'I suppose so." Kendall bit his lip, shutting his eyes. After a second he opened them again and added, "I should just accept it, that he's not coming back and there's no use hoping he will. No point in dwelling on the past so I can pretend he's still here . . ."

"He is still here." Dak rested a hand on Kendall's shoulder, because the blonde looked close to tears and it bothered him. "You still love him, so he's still here. That's what my dad always told me when my mother died."

A knock on the door startled them both. They looked up and Kendall went to answer it. It was Jett.

"Hi, Jett," Kendall greeted with a tired smile, inviting him in. He turned to the boy sitting by the fire. "Off to bed, Dak. Try not to wake the others, ok?"

"Ok." Dak stood up and headed towards the stairs. "Goodnight Kendall, Jett."

"Goodnight, Dak," Kendall called softly, before taking Jett's arm and guiding him over to the couch, sitting down.

"How are you, Kendall?" Jett asked, watching the blonde carefully.

"I'm alright," Kendall replied, giving a small smile. "Well, obviously I'm not . . . but I'm better than I was a week ago."

"Well, good. It's important to make progress."

Kendall nodded with a sigh, leaning and resting his head on Jett's shoulder shutting his eyes, to Jett's delight. "I know. I guess time does heal. But obviously, not fully."

"Well, that's to be expected," Jett reassured him. "Nobody expects you to forget him."

Kendall sat up again, reaching over to toss another lump of turf into the fire. "Well, good. Nobody should expect that, of anyone like me."

There was silence for a moment or two as they sat side by side.

"Want me to turn on the radio, or something?" Jett offered.

"Yeah, that'd be nice."

Jett stood up and turned the radio on, before sitting down next to Kendall and listening to the music playing. Kendall was smiling softly, obviously enjoying this. Jett heard a new song begin and knew it was one of Kendall's favourites.

"Come on," Jett smiled, pulling Kendall to his feet and resting his left hand on his waist, while taking Kendall's left hand in his right and spinning them around gently. Kendall gave a little laugh, moving his free hand up to Jett's shoulder as they waltzed back and forth.

Chuckling, Jett began to sing along to the song playing on the radio. "Good authors too who once knew better words now only use four letter words, writing pros! Anything goes . . ."

Kendall giggled and decided to sing too. " The world has gone mad today and good's bad today, and black's white today and day's night today . . ."

"When most guys today that women prize today are just silly gigolos!" Jett sang, spinning Kendall around extravagantly before dipping him low, hand moving to the small of his back, and when they straightened up it stayed there, Kendall either not noticing or not caring.

Kendall giggled delightedly as Jett spun him around again. "And though I'm not a great romancer, I know that I'm bound to answer when you propose . . . anything goes . . ." His singing died out as he sighed happily, still dancing slowly around the living room with Jett, listening to the music playing.

Jett pulled Kendall a little closer, humming softly in his ear. They were slowing down, but it was barely noticeable until they were just swaying back and forth, hardly moving at all. "You're a good dancer," Jett commented with a gentle smile.

"Thanks. So are you."

Jett grinned, maybe pulling Kendall just a little bit closer. But he didn't seem to mind. Then he looked up at Jett, eyes large and searching. Jett looked back. Waiting. Then he suddenly felt Kendall's hand slowly drift from his shoulder to the back of his neck. Jett barely dared to blink as he tightened the grip of his own hand, letting go of Kendall's other hand and moving his up to trace the shape of Kendall's cheekbone with the tips of his fingers.

They were both drifting closer, barely noticeable at first. And Jett could feel Kendall's shaky breath against his lips, so close . . .

"Jett, I'm sorry," Kendall stuttered, pulling away from him quickly, stepping back. "I-I know you're trying to help me, to move on. But I can't, not yet. I still love James, and I don't know if I can ever—

"It's alright, Kendall," Jett said quickly. "Honestly, I wasn't even trying . . . I just wanted to cheer you up. I'm sorry if I made you uncomfortable." He stepped closer to Kendall, gently reaching out and tilting his chin up so Kendall looked him in the eyes. "You shouldn't feel that you have to move on. Not until you're ready."

"I don't know if I'll ever be," Kendall whispered, tears in his eyes. "I love him so much."

"I know you do," Jett replied softly.

At that, Kendall started to cry, finding himself wrapped up in Jett's arms immediately as he sobbed into his shirt. Jett just held him close, wishing his pain would go away, that he would be happier.

Well, that was what Jett was there for.

He'd perk Kendall up eventually.

 

* * *

Three more weeks past, of Kendall working ridiculously hard all over the farm and with the children, pushing his feelings aside and not letting no one know what he was thinking at any moment.

Then Kendall woke up one morning with Carlos, Logan and Jett hovering over him. He squeaked in surprise, pulling the covers up instinctively, though he had no reason to. "What are you three doing here?"

"Get dressed, come downstairs and we'll tell you," Carlos replied with a smile.

The three left the room. Kendall sighed and got out of bed, reluctantly deciding he might as well do what they said.

He arrived in the kitchen a few minutes later dressed in a baggy shirt and pants. Instantly Carlos leaped up and ran upstairs, to Kendall's confusion.

"What's he—"

"Have some breakfast, Kendall," Logan said firmly, pushing him into a seat at the kitchen table as Jett put down a plate with scrambled eggs and toast on it.

The children were all sitting around, watching him (pretty much guarding him) as he ate. He still had no idea what was going on, and as soon as he was finished and had gulped down the tea Logan gave him, he asked again. "So what's going on?"

Carlos appeared again, holding a bag and handed it to Kendall. "Some clothes and other necessities to last a few days."

"Huh?"

"Here's what's going to happen, Kendall," Logan said firmly, pushing Kendall towards the door and handing him his coat. "You're going to leave this farm and go stay with Jett for a few days. We'll stay here and look after the children. It'll be good for you to get away from here for a little bit."

"But I have to look after the farm and everything," Kendall protested.

"We'll take care of everything, Kendall. You need a break, and you're going to get one."

"He's right, Kendall," Carlos said firmly, Jett nodding in agreement. "A change of scenery will do you the world of good."

"Fine," Kendall sighed. "But please look after everything!"

"We will!" Carlos and Logan called right before the door slammed shut and Jett was leading Kendall down the yard towards the path to the village, an arm looped through his.

"Do you really think I should stay away from the farm?" Kendall asked Jett.

"Well, it was Logan's idea. But I agree with him. You could do with a bit of change. Not just of scenery, you've been working so hard. A little relaxation could do you good. I'll be gone morning and afternoon, so you'll have the house to yourself. You can sleep in, read, do whatever you like. It's only a few days, they're going to let you back on Saturday if you want to."

"Ok. I guess this could be nice." Kendall smiled. "It'll be nice not to get up at dawn for once."

Kendall did sleep in when he stayed at Jett's. When he woke up and left his guest bedroom, Jett was always gone to work. Kendall just stayed in the house, reading mostly. Jett had a lot of books, so there was no shortage of them. He would eat breakfast and lunch alone, but made it his business to cook up a dinner Jett loved and have it ready for when he came home from working on the local breeding farm. Then they would eat together in Jett's cosy kitchen, chatting amd laughing before settling down in Jett's living room with a glass of wine. It was fun, it was carefree. And it did make Kendall feel much better. It felt good to take a break.

"This is delicious," Jett complimented on the third night as he tucked into his meat pie and vegetables. "Damn, those children are lucky having you cook for them."

Kendall laughed, Jett noticing the blush colouring his cheeks as he replied, "Thanks. I'm glad you like it."

"I'll miss your food when you go home, that's for sure."

"I'll miss your books. You have so many of them, they're all wonderful." Kendall only had a few battered old books at home. It wasn't because he or James didn't enjoy reading. But they often didn't have the free time and if they did, they were busy with something else.

"Have you looked at 'Call of the Wild' yet?" Jett asked. "It's one of my favourites."

"'Call of the Wild'? Is that the one about the dog?" Kendall asked.

Jett nodded.

Kendall smiled. "I like dogs."

"I know you do, that's why I suggested it," Jett grinned. "After dinner I'll show it to you. It's a good book."

They finished eating and washed up together, before moving into the living room. Kendall sat down while Jett searched the bookshelves for the right book. "Aha! Got it." He sat down. "Ok, 'Call of the Wild', by Jack London." Then suddenly he didn't know what to do.

Kendall chuckled, turning to face Jett. "Go on, read it to me. It's one of your favourites, after all."

Jett laughed back, opening the book on the introduction. "Alright. So we begin." He took on deep, dramatic voice as he began to read. "Buck was Judge Wheeler's favourite pet dog. He had just been fed and was lying at his master's feet, in front of a blazing fire. How was Buck to know that his easy life in California was about to come to a sudden and violent end?"

"Ooh, how gripping," Kendall teased, even though he knew Jett knew he was interested.

Jett rolled his eyes, handing Kendall the book. "Here, read a bit."

Kendall took it and started to read, biting his lip in concentration. Jett watched him with a smile on his face. Kendall read a few pages of the book in silence, finishing off chapter 1 before shutting the book. "It's good. I like it."

"You can borrow it if you want," Jett said softly. "When you go home."

"Thank you. I think I might."

Kendall turned to look at Jett, giving a small smile. Jett smiled back without hesitation. But then Kendall's smile fell a little as he stared at Jett with wide green eyes. Jett's blue eyes stared back at him, blurring a little as their heads came closer. They watched each other for one more second before their eyes shut and their lips grazed together lightly. Which simply turned to them moving together and kissing again. Jett tilted his head and deepened the kiss, resting a gentle hand on Kendall's cheek.

Kendall kissed Jett harder, bringing a hand up around his neck. In response Jett took hold of him in his arms, lifting him up out of the chair and carrying him like a bride out of the room and up the stairs. Not once did they break the kiss until Kendall was placed on Jett's bed, Jett moving to press soft kisses against the blonde's neck.

"Mmm, Jett," Kendall moaned softly, lying down and pulling Jett down with him by the collar of his shirt. Before he knew it he was pulling the older man's shirt off completely, kissing him again as he felt himself being wrapped up in strong arms. Something he'd missed so much.

They found themselves lost in a long night of passion, their clothes strewn across the room as they held each other close and made love for two hours straight. But there was never a moment when Kendall didn't think of James as he lay in bed with this other man.

Not even one.

 

* * *

Kendall woke up in Jett's arms, the other man spooning him. A gentle arm around his waist, a strong chest pressed up against his back, soft breathing fluttering the hair on the back of his head. He sighed, almost able to pretend it was James holding him. But it wasn't.

He shut his eyes again, his mind involuntarily taking him back to last night. He could still feel his body tingling everywhere Jett had touched him with his gentle hands. Hands that were worn and rough from outdoor work, but still so soft when they held him. Truthfully, he didn't know what had come over him. But there was no going back and changing it now.

He suddenly felt Jett's arms moving and looked over is shoulder to see the man stirring, opening his eyes slowly. Kendall smiled at him as their eyes locked. "Morning."

"Morning," Jett smiled, leaning forward and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. "Sleep well?"

"Better than I have in weeks," Kendall replied honestly.

"Well, glad to hear it."

Kendall rolled over so he was facing Jett, snuggling into his broad chest. "Do you have to go to work soon?"

Jett shook his head. "Not today. Boss told me I wouldn't be needed so there was no point in showing up."

"Oh." Kendall smiled sweetly. "Well, good." He paused. "You know what this reminds me of?"

"What?"

Kendall chuckled at the memory. "That camping trip the five of us went on last March, remember? The second tent got trashed off a branch and we all had to squish up in the one tent for the night."

"Hey, it worked out in the end though!" Jett laughed. "We all kept each other warm." He stopped. "I think I have pictures of that trip."

"You do?" Kendall looked up. "Where?"

"I have a photo album downstairs," Jett said with a smile. "All the photos of when we first met, you know? The five of us out in the fields, or those times we went out of town to visit London."

"Really?" Kendall sat up. "Can we look? I'll go down and get it."

"No, I can—"

"I insist," Kendall replied with a wink, getting up out of bed and searching the surrounding area for his clothes. He reached for the white shirt lying by the bed and pulled it on, covering himself up to his mid thigh and buttoning it shut.

"That's my shirt, Ken," Jett chuckled.

"Oh!" Kendall turned around, blushing. "Sorry, I didn't realise."

"It's fine, wear it. The book is in the desk down in the living room," Jett said, smiling and sitting up.

"Ok, I'll go get it." Kendall walked around the bed and towards the door.

"Hold on," Jett called, beckoning him over. Kendall walked over and knelt down on the bed, and Jett wrapped an arm around him, pulling him in for a slow kiss before letting him go again. "I'll be waiting."

Kendall smiled at him, before turning and leaving the room, walking downstairs. He walked into the living room and straight to the desk in the corner. It was a desk that closed up completely and opened out to make the desk itself. He and James had a similar one back home.

James . . . Kendall felt a stab of guilt but pushed it away. He didn't want to feel this until he was back in his house and could let all his feelings out if he wished.

Kendall opened up the desk, and as he did, an envelope fell out onto the floor. It was yellow. Kendall bent down to pick it up, and glanced at what was printed on it. He frowned in confusion when he saw that it was from the war office. Why was Jett getting a telegram from there? He had no reason to.

He knew he shouldn't, but his curiosity was too much for him. It was already torn open so he just carefully slid his hand in and took out the folded piece of paper. He quickly opened it up, reading through it quickly.

No, that didn't make any sense, that didn't make sense at all.

Kendall quickly glanced at the date of the telegram sent. Ok, that made even less sense! The date of this telegram was three days after he received his! How did the war office get that kind of information wrong?

How could they tell him James was dead, and then three days later tell Jett that he was missing?

Hold on. Kendall read it again and for the first time saw the name it was addressed to. Kendall Diamond. Not Jett Stetson. They'd sent it to him, but Jett had it. This was just getting weirder by the second.

"So Kendall, did you find—"

Kendall jumped out of his skin and turned to see Jett standing at the door, only wearing his trousers. The other man's eyes were wide when he saw him, and what he was holding.

"Jett, what is this?" Kendall asked quietly, walking over to him and holding it out.

"Kendall, I-I'm so sorry—" Jett looked close to tears.

"Jett, I'm not angry with you. Just . . . please explain this to me."

Jett shut his eyes, taking a deep breath. Then he opened them again. "James is missing," he whispered.

"Jett, I can see that," Kendall sighed. "What I want to know is why you didn't give this to me, and why I got another one before—"

"It was a fake!" Jett blurted out, running a hand through his hair. "I-I gave you a fake telegram and then I got that and I hid it and—"

"WHAT?" Kendall stared at Jett, unable to believe what he was hearing. "Why would you do that? Y-your best friend, and my husband! Why would you tell me that?"

"Because he's always been in my way, and I just couldn't help myself!" Jett wailed. "Alright?"

"What are you talking abou—" Then Kendall stopped, and looked up at Jett with wide eyes. He suddenly understood. "Oh. Um . . . Jett, I—"

"I know, you're flattered but you don't love me, I get it," Jett choked, looking so miserable it almost made Kendall cry. "And now you hate me too. I'm so sorry."

"Jett, I don't hate you. I'm not mad."

"Huh?" Jett stared at him in amazement. "You're not?"

"No. I mean, I know I would never do that, I just wouldn't be able to. But, I can understand why you did, and that's why I'm not angry. I know what it feels like to love somebody so much it kind of hurts a little."

"Well, I'm no stranger to that."

Kendall gave a small smile. Then it suddenly fell. "Wait. So, last night . . . you were taking advantage of me, of how upset I was?"

"No, no Kendall. I'd never . . . I wasn't expecting you to act like like this, at least, not so soon. But I would never take advantage of you, I promise! I shouldn't have done any of it, but you know that, Kendall."

Kendall stared up at Jett, tears in his eyes. "You're right. I moved on . . . so quickly, it's like I didn't care—"

"No, it wasn't like that at all, Kendall," Jett persuaded, resting a hand on his shoulder. "You were hurt, and you needed comforting. That was it, you know that. You love James. You really do." He gave a sad smile. "Every time someone mentions him I can see it in your eyes."

Kendall gave a little sigh, his eyes drifting shut for a moment or two. "So . . . James is missing? Not dead? You . . . you haven't hidden his letters, or anything?"

"N-no, of course not!" Jett replied quickly. "And, yes, that's what the war office says. But you need to understand, that might not mean he's alive. It just means that he's not dead for—"

Jett didn't get to finish, because Kendall grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him in, kissing him hard on the mouth. Jett sighed into the kiss, bringing his hands to gently hold Kendall's waist for a second or two. And then it was over, Kendall pulling away and stepping back. "Jett, I'm only going to say this once." He smiled up at him. "You're a wonderful man. Obviously, you've made a few rash decisions, but it doesn't matter. Any man or woman would be lucky to have you."

"That's a nice thing to say, but I don't know if—"

"Let me finish. I'm not the right person for you, Jett. Because if it was meant to happen, it would have. But you can move on from me, Jett. I know you can. You're one of my best friends, I know you." He paused. "And, if you don't want James, Carlos or Logan to know about this, then they won't know. We can say the office got their information wrong, or something."

"Thank you. I'd appreciate that."

"But, there's one other thing . . . I, I don't want them to know about us. About last night. Especially not James . . . it would break his heart. I couldn't stand that."

"Truthfully, I don't think I could either," Jett said softly. "You can go get your clothes, go back to the farm to see the children. They need you, and I think you could do with them around too."

"I'm going to miss them so much when they leave," Kendall sighed. Then he gave a small smile, before leaning up and kissing Jett on the cheek. "I'll see you later, Jett. Do you want to come over for dinner?"

And because he would never refuse, Jett smiled and nodded. "I'd love to. I'll see you at six?"

"Definitely." Kendall smiled one more time at him, before walking out of the room and going upstairs.

Jett sat down in an armchair, letting out a long, exhausted sigh. Wow. He genuinely didn't know whether to be happy or unhappy by now. He decided he could settle to be both. Happy that Kendall wasn't angry with him, happy because last night he finally had a chance to hold him the way James did. Unhappy because Kendall still loved James and always would. But the truth was that he really expected nothing less.

A few minutes later he heard footsteps on the stairs again, and Kendall walked into the room, fully dressed and holding his bag. "Bye, Jett."

"Bye, Kendall."

The front door slammed shut, and Jett spent what was probably the next hour in that armchair. Just thinking about everything.

 

* * *

Kendall quickly settled back into working on the farm, sending Carlos and Logan back to their home. The children were all eager to have him back and helped him any chance they got. He was back there for only a week and it was as if he never left.

Kendall lifted up the pail with a huff, pouring some more water into the trough. His family had set up the troughs for food and water under a little roof that some of the cattle could fit under in bad weather if there were only a few there. It meant the sun wouldn't dry up the water on hot days, but it also meant rain wouldn't fill it up. And that meant Kendall had to. He carried the empty pail down the field again, hopping over the fence and going back to the tap, turning it on again and getting ready to refill the pail.

"Hi, Kendall!"

Kendall looked up to see that the five children were coming out of the barn, walking over to sit on the fence near him. "Hi, children. What are you up to?"

"We just went to see the cows," Jennifer replied, beaming. "Gave them some hay. They're so cute!"

Kendall chuckled. "Yeah, they are . . ." When the war eventually ended, he was going to miss these children when they went home to London. "I'll be letting them out once the trough is full."

"Jett, Logan and Carlos are coming," Dak said. "We saw them earlier, they were coming up the lane."

"Ok. I'll see them when they get here." Kendall switched the tap off again and carried the heavy pail towards the gate, opening it and walking through before shutting it again. He was walking across the long grass when he caught some movement from the corner of his eye. He looked up.

Someone was walking over the hill, trudging through the grass. With brown hair, grown a little longer now, and tan skin. Dressed in a soldier's uniform, his left arm bandaged up in a sling. He stopped for a second on top of the hill. Looking at Kendall. Then he saw him smile and start walking again, faster this time.

Kendall felt the pail slip from his fingers, water splashing all over his shoes. But he didn't care anymore. He took off, sprinting across the grass towards him. He saw James pick up his pace and then he was running too—

And then they were touching, Kendall's arms thrown around his neck with James's free hand wrapped tightly around his waist like he would never let him go. Kendall felt tears sliding down his cheeks as he pulled James's face to his, kissing him tenderly. "Jamie," he choked out when he pulled back only a centimetre or two. "I'm so happy to see you . . ."

James just kissed him again to quieten him down. "I'm happy to see you too, love," he whispered when he pulled back. "I've missed you like crazy."

Kendall laughed, a choked up tearful laugh, and hugged James tightly, head tucked under his chin. "James, your arm . . ."

"It's not serious. It'll heal. But I was still discharged. If that's the right word, I don't even know. All I know is I got back here the fastest I could. I love you, Kendall."

"I love you too, James, so so much." Kendall kissed James again, taking his hands. "You look tired. You need to rest."

"Can I eat first?" James chuckled. "I haven't since last night. I was just travelling."

"Oh, Jamie." Kendall bit his lip, eyes filling with tears again. "Yes, of course."

"HI!"

James and Kendall looked over to see the five children sprinting towards them through the grass, eyes and smiles wide.

"Hey, it's you!" Jennifer exclaimed. "It's James!"

"Hi, James!" Katie squealed, waving eagerly up at him.

"Hi, sweetie," James greeted, waving back down at her. Katie blushed bright red. James turned to Kendall, "Why don't you introduce me? Or can I guess?" He looked at all of them in turn. "Let's see. You're Dak, and you're Tyler, you're Jennifer and Camille." Then he turned to the last child, "And you're Katie, am I right?"

Katie nodded, still blushing. "I think she's got crush on you," Kendall murmured in James's ear.

"Kendall, why are you crying?" Tyler asked, looking concerned. "Are you sad?"

"No, he's happy, silly!" Camille corrected him, ruffling his red hair. "Aren't you, Kendall?"

Kendall nodded, sniffling and drying his eyes. "Don't mind me, children. I'm the silly one, sobbing like a baby."

James wrapped his good arm around his shoulders, kissing his forehead. "Not at all, love. Come on, we'll all go down. What've I missed since I left?"

They all walked down the field and through the open gate, Kendall unable to let go of James and James unable to let go of Kendall. Then they spotted three familiar figures walking up the lane. "Logan, Carlos, Jett!" the kids squealed, running towards them. "James is back! Come and see!"

Instantly Logan, Carlos and Jett were sprinting over to them. Logan was the first to get there, throwing himself at James and hugging him tightly. "I'm so happy to see you!" Carlos said happily as he hugged him next. "We all are!"

Jett nodded. "This is such a surprise!"

"We're so happy you're here!" Logan gushed. "You wouldn't believe what happened! We got a telegram saying that you were dead, but the war office got the information wrong and only recently we got a delayed telegram that arrived only a few days after the original, saying you were missing!"

"We were all in such a state!" Carlos added. "We were so relieved when Kendall told us he received the second one."

James turned to look at Kendall with wide eyes. "Seriously?"

Kendall nodded. "Seriously. We were so worried about you." He leaned up and gave James another kiss. Then he pulled back, looking over at Jett and smiling. "Well James, aren't you going to hug your best friend? Haven't you missed him?"

"Of course I have," James replied with a smile as he and Jett stepped closer to each other. But in the second they stared at each other before they hugged, Kendall saw something in James's eyes and wondered if he knew. But then they hugged, and he assumed not.

"Thanks, for looking out for him," James murmured into Jett's shoulder. "Well, at least I hope you did."

"I always keep my promises."

James was too happy to take the time to look deeper into Jett's eyes and search for an explanation for that guilty expression. So he simply wrapped Kendall up in his arms again and kissed him on the forehead. "I love you so much."

"I love you more," Kendall replied, kissing him on the lips. "Well, now that you're back we can keep going. You're never leaving me again. I won't let you."

James smiled. "Well, you won't have to try hard. I'm never letting you go. Ever."

"Forever and always, Jamie," Kendall murmured happily, hugging him close.  
  



End file.
